Is this the way emotion hurts?

It was a breezy evening with black clouds looming in the sky. I had been enjoying this kind of weather for a past few days. And I being an admirer of nature was thoroughly enjoying it until that conversation happened. That conversation, which had put me in a state of gloom, which would deter me for the rest of the day (or night probably) had begun.

The man (say Y) seated across the table was simple at heart. It was a general conversation about daily activities going on and then that ugly turn took place. The focus which was on ideologies, now shifted to persons, individuals.

Now there was this person (say X) whom I admired for his approach towards work. He was well disciplined and talked only until the point it was required. He did not interfere into any of the personal life of others. He maintained a strong sense of professionalism. There was this common perception about his attitude that he behaved more like an automatic mechanism and less like a human. If he had to speak in a particular way on a particular situation, he did that and just that with no relevance whether he said that from his heart or not.

I was listening what all Y had to say about this person, whom I admired. I knew no one liked X for the very reason I admired him. I knew everyone was of the same opinion as of Y. It was all fine while he was targeting the ideologies of X. But suddenly I heard something that I never expected to hear. Y targeted X on his personal traits. He commented about his appearance, his weaknesses. Now, that was a bit hard for me to digest. At that point of time, I felt a bit low, but I thought I would overcome it since it was common to hear people speak against X every day. But this had something more stronger influence than what I had imagined. It had rooted deeply inside me and started to bother me after some time. I felt a sense of disgust inside me. There was this some kind of melancholy inside me that I was unable to concentrate on what ever I was doing. I was unable to drive and had just escaped from running into a biker confronting me. Unknowingly, the gloom had taken over me. I had this anxiousness inside me. I did’nt know what I was doing. I waked restlessly up and down. Then I consciously tried to concentrate on other issued just to forget what had happened.

It had taken hours for me to come out of that murkiness. That was the time I felt “Is this the way emotion hurts?” Then I tried to analyze why it had hurt so much, when I was hearing the same kind of opinions from others everyday. Then I realized that Y was such a person for whom I had respect for. Though I did not admire him as I did admire X, I never had any aversion towards him. It always hurts more when close people or people with whom you have neutral relationship talk bad about you or anything or anyone that you admire than when it is done by people whom you abhor. Maybe Y shouldn’t have targeted X on his appearance and his other personal characteristics.

But maybe X had been averse to all of them and so were their opinions about them. My interactions with him might not have rubbed me on the wrong side.

But the question that prevails is: Am I an adjusting person who can get along with anyone or Is my share of repugnance towards him was due? Only time will tell……